Lots of goings on in Episode 7, including the announcement of a bonus podcast this week and Neil Young raises his ugly head as per usual. Also, we'd quite like a singer on the team.
Susan starts off the podcast by asking D? D? D? D? Then we find out she's well hung but also electrocuted. Something is dodgy as feck and she has a bit of trouble finding her hole. She's sitting on the amp this week as it's higher than the seat and she has a sore back, at least that's her excuse for sitting like a "dafty dug". When it comes to plugging in to the amp is Adam brave enough? She informs her son that "they" all have teeth and then says something outrageous. OH MY GOD! She takes a trip to the bass department and informs us that the bargain hunter's underhanded tricks failed to work. Once she's plugged in she find the G(spot) with a good finger action and the right pitch. She wonders if we're allowed profanity on the podcast and then says See You Next Tuesday! She loves the bass as the no strumming makes it so easy. Displaying her similarity to Brick Tamland, she announces I love Train. Offering face value plus an extra tenner doesn't work. She asks the odd question, are there any Welsh people on the podcast? KEN! She boldly announces that we can play anything by Oasis and tells John buckin' bronco? Buckin' halfwit! She tells John not to bite her and she has 88 emails however she does not have naked friends. She decides that she's going to kill the wee f**kers next door! She needs a bass to take home and she makes a proper scary bass player face. She tells John to bring his face closer so she can smack it then asks Alice? Who the f**k is Alice? Remember, it's one thinger, one thong. Adam helps her to learn the bass notes, A, A#, B, C, C#, D, D#, E, F, F#, G, G#, H...wait...H!? She helps Adam out by inventing a cure for his cold. She's supposed to correct 'im, wrecked 'im? It nearly killed 'im! She develops a bad case of droppsy and drops her phone. Her foot tapping gets a bit out of control and makes an interesting spectacle. She claims that she would be a session guitarist if it wasn't for John putting her off. It might have got her closer to Dave Grohl whose face she'd like to suck off. Adam teaches her the best way to finger her bass which leads to a mention of delicate gusset typing. The lesson's dragging on as she gets her yawn on. Her heartbeat becomes slightly irregular, almost bluesy. Say goodbye Susan.
John let's Susan know that there's no liquids allowed on the amp as she sits on it. He then points out that the bass has a broken hole. He advises Adam that if he's having trouble getting it in he needs to get his bass on the edge of a cliff. He gets left alone for a second so he whistles. He asks Susan if she can get her leg up then tells her to stop acting like a dick and answer him. He asks her if it's too high and if she wants this one, but she says it's too hard, making her feel like Goldilocks. He accuses her of being a loser for having not seen Spinal Tap. He answers Adam's question of how many songs can we play, with the answer, all of them. But he does admit that Bruno Mars knows music. He warns Susan that Sterephonics fans are all neds and plays some accidental Oasis though his pinky doesn't know where it's going. He giggles like a girl when Susan prods his fat bits. Though she has banned his ukulele as she hates it. He oddly declares that children love bushes. He insists that Adam plays The Boxer, go Adam, play it! Go! Adam! PLAY IT! GO! GO! GO! He notices that the noisy boys next door are totally Slipknotting it up, requests some guitar hitting songs and picks on Susan. Oddly enough he then gets a bass to the face but Jenn makes him laugh. He sits out of learning Ever Long and discovers that he is the windiest.
Adam predicts an extended bass solo. After mastering the first song he wonders what else we can play. He announces we're not to worry as it's going back in. He points out that Jake Bugg is a wee acoustic guy before being upset by him. He thinks that I'm a bitch is a bit ironic and how you strum makes all the difference. He then ponders if we could do a gig or an open mic night. The nutter. He then sings, well sort of. He tells Susan that she has to press it harder, but he's talking about The Punisher. He informs she can get a bass for buttons, however buttons aren't cheap. We discover that he belongs to A minor, or was that, he belongs to a miner? He gets the sad news that he is not Phil Lynott and claims that a noise on one song was the highlight of Art Garfunkel's career. He claims the last song he listened to was World on a String, WTF is that? He scans Susan's iPod in landscape mode like some kind of troglodyte before being blinded by snotters. He gets the title The Guitar Man before claiming he can feel the change happening. He points out that Everybody
Always Does Guitar before John claims that Elvis Aaron Died God Bless Elvis. He then spots Space Raider Jams through the door before finally saying RIGHT GUYS! He has just enough oxygen to breathe and he's going to sneeze! False alarm. He's a wee jobby.
This weeks songs.
Every rose has it's thorn - Poison
I'm a Bitch - Meredith Brooks
Lightning Bolt - Jake Bugg
Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Big Bottom - Spinal Tap
Wonderwall - Oasis
Hey Ho - Lumineers
Drive By - Train
The Chain - Fleetwood Mac
The Boxer - Simon and Garfunkel
Love is the Law - Seahorses
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Wheels - Foo Fighters
Tambourine man - Bob Dylan
Combine Harvester - The Wurzels
My Hero - Foo Fighters
Ever long - Foo Fighters
Best of You - Foo Fighters
Saturday, 6 April 2013
Saturday, 30 March 2013
Guitarmageddon Episode 6 Should've Rugby Tackled That B@st@rd
There's an extended setting up period this week as we try and figure out if we can use the sound desk to record straight to the laptop.
During the setting up we discover that Susan is shattered as she was at a wedding the night before.
Adam asks what key and Susan doesn't know what he's talking about.
Susan chooses a seat away from John to reduce the temptation of smacking him. The threat of a belt in the dial gets met with a bass up the jacksie.
Susan's strap on is too tight (childish giggling).
What makes your teeth rattle? It's not fellating vibrators.
DJs these days eh? Rubbish.
What was that Susan? AC/D what?
A wee lie does no harm now and again.
Adam buys everything Neil Young related ever.
John is not a sound technician but Susan is jamming with the band.
Hans makes a little cameo appearance and after turning the heater off we decide that a wee Han Solo can keep you warm.
Adam is surprised when he finds out the heater is hot and Susan is too scared to touch the plug.
John puts his camp voice on but pushing him over will get you an over reaction.
Susan's had no breakfast, she's had no lunch, she's had no sausage at all today.
MICROPHONE SWITCH!
Adam gets his banjos and his ukuleles mixed up and he didn't buy a ukulele with his birthday money, because he likes wood, dark wood.
Susan needs a hard one but she's not making a face like that!
Cheerio and good luck to my wee pal Gina. She had the honour of making the request this week. After having a Rolling Stones party she decided on either Brown Sugar or Paint it Black.
Adam stops John playing the song to hear him play him the song.
Adam opens the door and we hear a devil laugh from outside.
The bloody bugger capo causes issues.
1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2-3-4.
Tune up!
I'm picking up good vibrations...not!
What connects Kashmir, The Simpsons and Coronation Street?
We get to the fancy part and it throws Susan.
The world needs to know, John was right!
Adam and John share a very poor quality high five.
We all wonder what goes on inside Susan's head.
Practice practice practice.
Susan gets her hammer on!
RIGHT GUYS! 1 2 3 4! HERE COMES THE BRIDE!
26? Wee wido!
How do you work out which one is left?
A French teachers teaches young Susan how to swear in French.
Adam actually makes a scary axe murderer face.
Surprise sex!
Join in when you're ready sunshine.
Susan had to be held down by 6 people. Do not believe her when she says she is calm.
Sometimes it's hard to be a wumman.
Susan rues not rugby tackling that b@st@rd.
Susan does not want a scrunchie and don't try and get her into a onesie!
The care in the community concert is over, get back on the sunshine bus.
Do you find it easier to use your fingers?
Adam reveals the worst George Harrison song ever. Though you can't really tell The Beatles how to write a song.
WOO HOO! Susan does it herself!
Could you play guitar with your teeth?
1 dude plays duelling banjos by himself and another plays his by "air tap".
John'll be on Jools Holland in a couple of weeks.
We sound pretty decent. For a change.
Next weeks song?
Fleetwood Mac
Rihanna
Lady Gaga
Basement Jaxx
Whitesnake
Tenacious D
Led Zeppelin
Expensive guitars are good, obviously.
Is that a wee leather plectrum you've left on the seat?
We're all about the wee chaps and the wee guys.
MICROPHONE SWITCH!
Packing up time we discover that thinking is dangerous, Susan was concentrating, and her sound desk smells like a charity shop.
BYE SUSAN!
During the setting up we discover that Susan is shattered as she was at a wedding the night before.
Adam asks what key and Susan doesn't know what he's talking about.
Susan chooses a seat away from John to reduce the temptation of smacking him. The threat of a belt in the dial gets met with a bass up the jacksie.
Susan's strap on is too tight (childish giggling).
What makes your teeth rattle? It's not fellating vibrators.
DJs these days eh? Rubbish.
What was that Susan? AC/D what?
A wee lie does no harm now and again.
Adam buys everything Neil Young related ever.
John is not a sound technician but Susan is jamming with the band.
Hans makes a little cameo appearance and after turning the heater off we decide that a wee Han Solo can keep you warm.
Adam is surprised when he finds out the heater is hot and Susan is too scared to touch the plug.
John puts his camp voice on but pushing him over will get you an over reaction.
Susan's had no breakfast, she's had no lunch, she's had no sausage at all today.
MICROPHONE SWITCH!
Adam gets his banjos and his ukuleles mixed up and he didn't buy a ukulele with his birthday money, because he likes wood, dark wood.
Susan needs a hard one but she's not making a face like that!
Cheerio and good luck to my wee pal Gina. She had the honour of making the request this week. After having a Rolling Stones party she decided on either Brown Sugar or Paint it Black.
Adam stops John playing the song to hear him play him the song.
Adam opens the door and we hear a devil laugh from outside.
The bloody bugger capo causes issues.
1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2-3-4.
Tune up!
I'm picking up good vibrations...not!
What connects Kashmir, The Simpsons and Coronation Street?
We get to the fancy part and it throws Susan.
The world needs to know, John was right!
Adam and John share a very poor quality high five.
We all wonder what goes on inside Susan's head.
Practice practice practice.
Susan gets her hammer on!
RIGHT GUYS! 1 2 3 4! HERE COMES THE BRIDE!
26? Wee wido!
How do you work out which one is left?
A French teachers teaches young Susan how to swear in French.
Adam actually makes a scary axe murderer face.
Surprise sex!
Join in when you're ready sunshine.
Susan had to be held down by 6 people. Do not believe her when she says she is calm.
Sometimes it's hard to be a wumman.
Susan rues not rugby tackling that b@st@rd.
Susan does not want a scrunchie and don't try and get her into a onesie!
The care in the community concert is over, get back on the sunshine bus.
Do you find it easier to use your fingers?
Adam reveals the worst George Harrison song ever. Though you can't really tell The Beatles how to write a song.
WOO HOO! Susan does it herself!
Could you play guitar with your teeth?
1 dude plays duelling banjos by himself and another plays his by "air tap".
John'll be on Jools Holland in a couple of weeks.
We sound pretty decent. For a change.
Next weeks song?
Fleetwood Mac
Rihanna
Lady Gaga
Basement Jaxx
Whitesnake
Tenacious D
Led Zeppelin
Expensive guitars are good, obviously.
Is that a wee leather plectrum you've left on the seat?
We're all about the wee chaps and the wee guys.
MICROPHONE SWITCH!
Packing up time we discover that thinking is dangerous, Susan was concentrating, and her sound desk smells like a charity shop.
BYE SUSAN!
Sunday, 24 March 2013
Guitarmageddon - Episode 5 - Sonfords And Mum
John's ukulele makes a special appearance this week as we try and play some Mummford and Sons without a banjo. We're playing The Cave as it was requested by, our very own Mel, Emma Hazzard.
During the set up we discover that Susan is so aggressive, it's probably the Santa coat she's got.
Come As You Are and Ironman get the ukulele treatment before Adam has a go.
Susan's car gets a few mentions, she loses her iPod under it, talks about a phantom boob feeling technique while driving 50mph in it, and dries her bra from the aerial of it.
John reveals The Hazzard's secret and Susie Webster becomes Suzi Quatro - 1 thinger 1 thong.
Susan finds the perfect fit and it's long and heavy.
The old saying "lefty loosey righty tighty" makes an appearance followed by the new saying "not at the same time yah clown".
Adam somehow manages to hit a high F while Susan strums the wrong string, which is a bit harsh.
All of this leads, unsurprisingly, to the discovery of Susan's Innuendo Tourette's.
A bit of good news now as we discover that Susan's lovely dog, Blue, doesn't have cancer.
Susan absolutely nails it with her Hot Water Blues. John doesn't with his pretentious twat story.
We discover that Susan has been spoiled by Disney World and no other theme park will do, not even the flumes at The Magnum Centre featuring the teenager with bikini removing skills, which must actually kill your fingers.
Susan teaches John how to play bass then we find out that bass players and drummers are frequently in tune with each others rhythms.
Susan's aggressiveness could be why she's an elastic band bully.
Susan rides a chicken to Italy via East Kilbride, Heathrow and Basle to become a nun in training.
Awesome miming skills lead to talk of shakers and triangles.
Things take a sensual turn in Guitarmageddon After Dark, ideal for some Steel Panther.
Believe it or not, this week, some music was played! And on that bombshell...
During the set up we discover that Susan is so aggressive, it's probably the Santa coat she's got.
Come As You Are and Ironman get the ukulele treatment before Adam has a go.
Susan's car gets a few mentions, she loses her iPod under it, talks about a phantom boob feeling technique while driving 50mph in it, and dries her bra from the aerial of it.
John reveals The Hazzard's secret and Susie Webster becomes Suzi Quatro - 1 thinger 1 thong.
Susan finds the perfect fit and it's long and heavy.
The old saying "lefty loosey righty tighty" makes an appearance followed by the new saying "not at the same time yah clown".
Adam somehow manages to hit a high F while Susan strums the wrong string, which is a bit harsh.
All of this leads, unsurprisingly, to the discovery of Susan's Innuendo Tourette's.
A bit of good news now as we discover that Susan's lovely dog, Blue, doesn't have cancer.
Susan absolutely nails it with her Hot Water Blues. John doesn't with his pretentious twat story.
We discover that Susan has been spoiled by Disney World and no other theme park will do, not even the flumes at The Magnum Centre featuring the teenager with bikini removing skills, which must actually kill your fingers.
Susan teaches John how to play bass then we find out that bass players and drummers are frequently in tune with each others rhythms.
Susan's aggressiveness could be why she's an elastic band bully.
Susan rides a chicken to Italy via East Kilbride, Heathrow and Basle to become a nun in training.
Awesome miming skills lead to talk of shakers and triangles.
Things take a sensual turn in Guitarmageddon After Dark, ideal for some Steel Panther.
Believe it or not, this week, some music was played! And on that bombshell...
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